For quite sometime..

For quite sometime, I forgot my dear blog existed.

Meantime, I have crossed many uniquely different bends in my road, each bringing with it the inevitable element of surprise. (Yes, I read a couple of more Anne books ;) )

In the marathon of life, we have been running and in the process, grown old of certain things dear to us. Pardon the simile, but just like we grow out of our shoes. And then the shoe holds no purpose. Only memories. Memories of falling down from the bike, of those cherished walks and talks with our loved ones, of the once-upon-a-time good times which can never be the same again.

And then you sneak into new shoes and keep running. You can't afford to stop. The world has brought us to that. However, there comes a moment when you stop short of breath. The only thing on your mind now is the shoe. You find yourself going back to it to kindle memories and bask in the sweetness it brings. And sincerely hope that it gives you that energy to start running again.

Shoe has become blog and I am running frantically, hoping this post gives me the energy for quite sometime.

For quite a long time, have been and will be,

Anne (pronounced Ann, spelled with an e)

If only I can write something as beautiful as this...

This won't be easy,
but I have to try.
I'll have to leave in dead winter,
and come back in July.
I'll have to sing what I feel,
almost every night.
But if this does anything,
and it will you'll see.
I'm gunna do everything,
to put you next to me.

This is keeping me up so I decided,
to just give in, call it a night.
I've run out of different ways to tell you,
what I've tried a million other times.
I doubt that I could leave you,
and I still doubt you'd even care.
But how could I lead my life,
and always say truth but never dare.

This won't be easy,
but I have to try.
I'll have to leave in dead winter,
and come back in July.
I'll have to sing what I feel,
almost every night.
But if this does anything,
and it will you'll see.
I'm gunna do everything,
to put you next to me.

This is keeping me up so I decided,
to just give in, call it a night.
I've run out of different ways to tell you,
what I've tried a million other times.
I doubt that I could leave you,
and I still doubt you'd even care.
But how could I lead my life,
and always say truth but never..

This is keeping me up so I decided,
to just give in, call it a night.
(call it a night)
I've run out of different ways to tell you,
what I've tried a million other times.
( a million times)
I doubt that I could leave you,
and I still doubt you'd even care.
But how could I lead my life,
and always say truth but never,
how could I lead my life,
and always say truth but never dare.

I can feel the undertow.
Will it drown me?
I don't know.
Don't ya see it's you I need.
Or will you leave me lost at sea?
You'll miss the sun, and offshore breeze.
And I forgot to mention me.
I don't think that you should go.
I can't stand to be alone.
Wo oh, woah oh.
I can't stand to be alone.
Woah, woah oh.
I can't stand to be alone.
Woah woah.
I can't stand to be alone.
Woah, woah oh.
I can't stand to be alone.
I can't stand to be alone.
I can't stand to be alone.

Life’s not fair

It is, when you want to throw your mobile with all the force you can muster, and get it over with. Getting to see it shatter into pieces, somehow you can handle the pressure that is breaking your heart to pieces. All the same, you cannot do that, not because the darn thing is costly but because you are helplessly in love with what is frustrating you – “Unconditionally and irrevocably in love”. And they have got to reach you. Or rather you need to cling on to them. Only then do you feel secure. That is why the whole fiasco gets staged. Either stay in love or be an unemotional idiot. Those times, being an unemotional idiot seems better off. You start wondering if it really was love on their part. Or were they simply using you and your-helplessness-in-helping them. Aarrrrghhh! Life’s not fair.

Media Me

Disclaimer: This one is about me and Kurukshetra. References to others are not to be interpreted about as you desire.

Being Media core of Kurukshetra 2010 is no joke. So given that you are aware beforehand of the responsibilities of a Media Relations i/c, let me tell you the non-media stuff I had to do!!!

For one, arguing with some water supply motor operator, or rather, begging him to turn off the motor because the sound interrupted the interview.

Shifting the informals stage a foot forward, so that the backdrop can be erected. This, after the very stage had to be shifted from elsewhere to that parking lot (Okay that one I din do). While some notorious nitwit ruined the informals, amongst spectators which included one of the core members who claims he din realise something not-good was happening, my desperate attempt to get two volunteers to the spot. Finally, what was done was done and I had to sit while they reproached me.

The highlight is my transformation to one-eyed jack, when an ant of all places chose my eye to bite. I was a pretty sight! Abhi can second me on this one :-p

Elated after making an announcement in the mike, waved and shouted to a junior, only to realise a moment too late that he was with a guest!! He asked me to go ahead and tell him what I wanted to say. Wearing an ‘i-am-an-idiot expression’ asked him if he heard the announcement. To which, Dr. Sethu Vijayakumar replies, “Oh that was you! It was good.” Now, that was not embarrassing at all!

Few other lessons learnt,
Stay as far away as possible from the hospitality/information desk. One minute there and you are dead meat.

Driving lessons. We got pretty good! Nothing like practising before the VC’s office.

Just because you wear a core tag, doesn’t exactly make you one. Well, I and a junior switched places. (You gotta agree! No arguments)

Subjection to humiliation is a part and parcel of life.

Eat whenever possible. Dignity, integrity, et cetera have absolutely no say.

Deadlines - Now I know exactly why they’re called so.

Some really valuable lessons they are, trust me.
Anne (pronounced Ann, spelled with an e)

p.s Absolutely NO comments from fellow core members expected, encouraged or entertained ;)

Helpless!

You sincerely hope the earth swallows you so that you can escape from the situation that is confronting you.

Somebody gives you a hard time- they are making perfect sense that is!
That is what makes it difficult. They are making perfect sense. And there is nothing you can do about it. You are helpless. You cannot confront the person who made you helpless. So you are in a downright helpless situation. Which is asking too much.

You desperately seek someone who would understand the utterly complex gossamer-feelings-matrix which surrounds you. That person cannot be both human enough and understand at the same time. So there you go - my definition of helpless!!

Irony is a brilliant word

Often life is an irony (Ah, there you go, one of my favourite words from the English language).

When you have sketched a rough draft of life-to-your-liking in your mind and when it happens in reality one fine sunny day (Though in my case a cold evening), you're baffled!!! Can dreams seem so realistic. There you stop to pinch yourself and painfully realise harsh reality. You're pretty confident its a miracle nonetheless. Which is the irony cos, everytime you imagined it, (or in our case, 'sketched' it (am an engineering student you see)), you and i took utmost care to ensure reality circumstances of its happening. But then reality copied a bit too much from the sketch. That is what left you speechless.

The happiness it brings has been relished in our make-believe world. And now you are convinced, you can never be that happy and so the Baah! look. Irony again. So if this is what is happening, it means you are too happy for words.

N I sit here accepting defeat (or rather typing in my defeat), at the fact that "At times happiness can't just be expressed in words" and this blog post is solid proof (or digital proof) for the same.

Agitated yet sane,
Anne (pronounced Ann, spelled with an e) (Wondering if i'll ever get bored with this kind of sign-off)

p.s The post has more content within brackets than outside (if it has any content at all that is) ;)

Girls night out!

A typical Girls night out includes finding space to place one foot
on a really crowded MTC bus so that you don't have to play
monkey on bars the whole time. Get into the first free
compartment you see in the electric train without giving a damn
on whether its first class compartment. You can always jump
over the partition and provide awesome entertainment to the
onlookers ;) Feast on an umpteen course dinner at 2'o clock in
the night. Have brunch without brushing teeth. N laugh out loud
the whole while.


All this and more cos
A woman should...
be a feminist during her college days,
be career minded and career oriented,
play the game of hide and seek with her suitor,
dare to stay happily unmarried all her life,
love being a woman,
buy flowers for herself,
feel the wind on her face,
go camping, trekking,
be shy, be bold,
trust men occasionally,
give that second chance to everyone,
be a romantic,
get emotionally hyped over nothing and cool down suddenly,
go on a diet, yet, eat chocolates and icecreams,
get high 'n stay high on life, love her man and her reflection,
learn to love herself,
kiss herself goodnight in the mirror,
get wild, tame her tears,
break rules- lead the dances,
drive her man's car,
run his bank account,
manage his business, wear his clothes,
yet know that he's a man and she's the woman,
get flattered,
wear latest fashion and fine diamonds
for no special reason
lay down principles in her life,
go out for window shopping all alone,
know the way to her man's heart,
never forget the little girl within.

Way to go gal,
Anne (pronounced Anne, spelled with an e)

Ah Mr. Darcy!!!

Take Notice

So, when you are in the verge of feeling frustrated, angry, gloomy, cranky, just stop to think.

Is it even worth it? Is it worth that much of your energy? Take it easy!!

I mean, come on now, whatever happens, life has to go on. So do you really really wanna spend the next few days or hours in those good-for-nothing feelings. Give your best shot at everything and sit back, relax and watch what happens. It goes well? There you go! You feel good :) It doesn't? Laugh at it as though it was the funniest play you ever went to. Its just a matter of conversion. Convert your good-for-nothing feelings into those that you can laugh at. Take everything in a light sense. Never let anything rule you. Never let the feelings get the better of you.

Trust in me when I tell you, its a Boggart. Its a sadist taking pleasure in what you don't want to be feeling. And you remember the remedy right? Laugh at it. Its ridikulus!

You still aren't able to arrive at that temperament?

Well do something out of the way...

Like...

Dress up in a way you normally wouldn't approve of

Put up a dumb post in your blog when its least expected of you (like my last one)

Laugh like hell at the stupidest joke you can come up with

SMS the first thing which comes to your mind, without stopping for a 0th review, 1st review...

Behave as if you haven't a care in the world and that you are waiting for THE ULTIMATE thing that can happen in your life. This is the thing you are allowed to show your feelings for, THAT is what really matters. However, you'll never know that you can never identify what that thing is! It is a search where your quest never ends.

Which is good, nonetheless..

Take it easy,

Anne (pronounced Ann, spelled with an e)

I don wannabe..... A Murderer!!

Well the title says it all..

I killed a grasshopper... Now, don't laugh. It was a giant grasshopper... Flying all over and scaring the guts out of us. Well, it liked my cot best though and happily settled there. Even after a lot of shooing n stuff it did not budge. Well it wanted to sleep there and so did I. So, I n my roomie wanted to kill it. I handed her the weapon of murder - 'A broomstick'. After watching her do a sorry job out of it, in a fury I snatched the weapon (aka broomstick) and hit it, hit it, hit it!!!

You know what happened? All the dust the broom has ever helped clean is now in my bed and the grasshopper very much alive. Grrrrrr.... Well all the humbug drove away my wanting to sleep, and frustrated by that, I brought the broom with a full blow on the grasshopper. Well.... Um.... It lost a leg, and a wing... And there it was lying lopsided on my cot (which looked nothing more than a typical dustbin right now).

It was lil uneasy you know. It did nothing except settling on my cot and dying for that is a big price. But then, it was very old I suppose. Grasshoppers are supposed to be green rite? This one was brown. So then my theory takes form. Killing somebody is wrong. But killing somebody who'd anyway die sometime soon might be forgivable. I know its stupid!!!

So the tough part, getting rid of the dead body. Folded the bedspread along with the grasshopper and it wriggled. Good heavens, it wasn't dead but horribly crippled. Which is much much much worse. N, my roomies who did a fantastic job previously of screaming whenever it chose to fly now look at it like a lil baby. And there it dawned - 'I'm a murderer and a dirty one at that'

I could have opted for mercy killing. But then enough and more sins for the day. I'l never figure out why I chose this to be blog material.

It's so easy to be wicked without knowing it, isn't it?

Anne (pronounced Anne, spelled with an e).

Letting it show

Are you the kind of person who lets your emotions show in your face? Would others be able to tell what state of mind you are in by just looking at you? And are you okay with that?

I agree, that could be called remaining true to oneself, others, blah blah blah....

But what when, it becomes a problem? Like

You are in heights of happiness for some reason. This Reason you've arrived at, believed it true, your wild imagination spree starts, you grin, you blush, you're happy, your face is beaming, you're radiating happiness. Its okay to be spreading this kind of cheer in the air. But what IF, the reason you had was on a shaky foundation. What IF you had it all wrong. Your imagination comes crashing to the ground, and so does your self-esteem. You are angry you let yourself get carried away. Even if you aren't to blame, you think you suddenly seem vulnerable to even such a silly thing. You think everything was ridiculous, a lousy mistake.

You are this eccentric cheerful person, getting everyone around you to laugh. You make everybody laugh, the laughter which crosses the decent scale acceptable in society. Being that person, one day something is bugging you and your face is the crankiest thing possible. You are irritating to the core snapping at everybody who comes your way, no time for retrospection. You are Crankiness Personified. Then people come and ask you the reason for your mood. Why should this question alone be met with a proper reply? Mr./Ms. Crankiness Personified snaps at them. Later, you think everything was ridiculous, a lousy mistake.

All this, cos you are an expert at flexing you facial muscles to project what you are feeling. And most of the times, at a later point you end up repenting what you did earlier. So, why vent your emotions? Why not keep a hold on your integrity then? Good for you, good for everybody.

For the greater good,

Anne (pronounced Ann, spelled with an e)

Enlightened to Enlighten

Holy Cross Anglo Indian Higher Secondary School

Nostalgia as I step into the campus, to cast my vote first time. Dad being a dutiful citizen, dragged me out of the bed at 6:15. I groggily went without taking bath to my beloved campus. It then struck me - how much I miss my school.

The bell would ring at 8:30. I and my sis would start running from home at 8:27 and yes make it in time. School was stone's throw away from home. First hour everyday, for 14 years was Moral Science. To my alma mater, it was values before knowledge, everytime. Today, I realise how much these values have become an integral part of me.

LKG - Report Card arrives home carrying my Mam's comments 'Promotion Doubtful'

Yes, from my doubtful promotion to UKG to topping the district in 12th exams, my school has had the major role to play.

We eagerly looked forward to lab sessions and always got accurate readings. In case we did not, went to the extent of repairing the equipment themselves. Once, I emerged all greasy after making all the Daniel and Lechlanche cells in the lab work. The lab staff encouraged that kind of stuff. Here in college though, I hate labs. I literally HATE lab sessions.

The school chapel - no better place to pray. This is default in my itinerary on my visits to Tuty. I spend atleast half an hour there. The silence, peace, goodness this place brings. I miss tuty for that.

The mission sales - A full day sale on campus, where the profits are given to the mission. The innumerable stuff we come up with for selling - My, that was so cool!! Putting up a shamiana, the size of our basketball court- calling it the 12B restaurant. Ourselves waiting at the tables. Finally competing for the class with the max profit. :) Chopping up kgs and kgs of fruits to prepare delicious Fruit Salad, with milk powder, vanilla essence, raisins and nuts, chill it and store it for the next day. Ah, mouth watering even when I think about it.

Special classes in the evening, were we do nothing better than throng our canteen. Special classes in the summer hols for 12th when we were the only ones on campus. We did every possible stunt :p Those days when we bunk in school to leave for excursion early the next morning. Midnight basketball, sleeping in the corridor, scaring others with the eerie noises and secretly being scared ourselves. Ends with a good hearing from our staff, who is secretly amused with all this but then does her duty of scolding us :p

Dance practices in the auditorium above the labs. The age old building would literally shake when we are on our practising spree. The throw ball sessions during P.T class where the whole wide campus can hear our outroar. Thats coz we show 101 reactions for each throw like we're pro.

The buildings - The block where I spent my 6th and 7th std carried this sign 'Tread softly. Do not run' There were visible cracks over the place. Those days we dreaded landing along with debris on the primary class kids right below us. Our dreadful fantasies came to an end with the building being brought down and a trendier one was constructed.

And to think that all this was made possible by four French sisters who came down in 1904 to the small town of Tuticorin and sowed seeds to the larger than life school that it is today! More than a 100 years old, it is sure to witness the coming centuries, with students entering and leaving the portals of this shrine of learning. And I shall, forever be proud to brand myself a Holy Crossian!!!

http://www.holycross-ais.org/

Forever indebted,

Anne (pronounced Ann, spelled with an e)

Random things that spice up Life!!

Trying out one-liners has been the culmination of all of it!!

Impossible made possible - Waking up for class on a Saturday morning!

Wouldn't miss for the world - The once-in-a-time hot dosas in mess though i'm already five mins late for class!

Terrible Twist- Only to find first hour cancelled. Darn! I could have had my morning coffee :(

Something amiss - Preparation for a presentation which at last I din have to deliver!

Muzzy mystery - Amidst terror sleeping in class, the notes I took which look nothing more than typical Greek and Latin now! (Even more mysterious, coz the subject happens to be Total Quality Mgmt :p )

Lunch - One huge bar chocolate! Yes, thats it!

Conquering the insurmountable - Hundred pages of a novel, the size of my pillow which in the past served its diligent purpose of putting me to sleep!

Out of the blue - Cafe Coffee Day-A lot can happen over coffee! Straight outta the heart, girl talk with my mate :) Irish coffee, Chicken hot dog! Cute kid in pink dancing ballet all over the place.

Quote of the day - Whats with guys and pink shirts? (Seriously people, it drives me MAD!)

Sheer bliss - Driving in the Kottur Road! Was literally screaming with joy while driving :p Darn it mate, I love driving :)

A pinch back to Reality - An ant which landed out of nowhere on my arm. Thanks to it, my arm is now swollen to twice its size.

Reliving History - The SQC Pathfinder. I could practically recall what my seniors spoke in my first year. This is one thing I din want to miss for the world. A lovely session. A great club :)

My favourite!

Too much of anything - Listening to the same song over and over for about ten times all the while writing this post. I'm sure i won't be listening to it for a long time!

So many things to fall in love with life!!

Its gonna be great

Its gonna be more than I can take

Its gonna be free

Its gonna be real

Its gonna change everything I feel

Its gonna be safe

Its gonna be new

Its gonna be me baby

Its gonna be you baby

Its gonna be love :)

-Background song in 'A Walk to Remember' which has forever since remained the startup sound in my laptop...

It simply makes sense to me here!

Anne (pronounced Ann, spelled with an e)

Cannot be reached at the moment? You sure?

A very beautiful poem in a magazine inspired me on this post.  I’ve tried hard to reproduce that

style here. J

* In the bus, after a huge struggle with the crowd I manage to seat myself.  She's sitting opposite me, looking intently at me.  I wear an intriguing look on my face and try to recognise her.  She slowly smiles mockingly.  Ah!! I rack my brain trying to place where I would have met her.  No attempt to recall her name (Even now, when I get back to my native place I meet my schoolmates on the road and chat with them like long last friends.  After that when I resume walking with mom, she would ask me what her name is.  And I would say, "Yes, I was thinking hard to recall it.  I almost remembered.  You disturbed me." :p)  So back to the story.  I've racked my brain like anything and sit there accepting defeat.  She gives an expression of disappointment and turns away.  She's mouthing something but I'm not able to get that.  Despite the crowd, I would have left my seat gone to her, when I notice she's not looking at me.  She's looking at a person seated away from me, looking intently, smiling mockingly, showing disappointment n al that.  This puzzled me bigtime. 

She then gets down and it was then I realise she has been on her phone all the while. 

* Lyrics from a song in my favourite movie goes like this:

"Kalikaalam aagi pochu vathiyare

 Tholaipaesiyil kadhal solraan vathiyare

 Marunaal naerla paatha vathiyare

 Ne yaarunu kaekurane vathiyare"

 

which roughly translates to:

"Doomsday is near cos

 He is confessing his love over the phone

 The next day he meets the same girl

 And asks her who she is!!"

 

* And ya Wall.E movie (such a wonderful movie)

In the spaceship Wall.E notices two of our future selves (heavy built, lazy to the core, ugly, sophisticated folks) chatting thru the computer before them, never realising that the person they are chatting to, is right by their side. 

Now do you think that was far-fetched.?

 

* I keep chatting with my friend, something I wanted to share with her for a long time... She sits in a slouched position and suddenly lifts her head beaming.  That was a totally inappropriate reaction cos I wasn't telling her anything she should be beaming about.  She says, "Hey sorry! Just look at this msg na...." and goes on with the funny story associated with it, or "Hey important call. Sorry" and lo! just disappears.

* Or take places where mobiles with their shrieky ringtones outdo opera singers.  Why! take the instance of my friend who attended his job interview which lasted 20 mins in which his mobile went off only twice.  Now, thats supposed to be an excellent example of oxymoron.  Job interview and Mobile going off!!

* Present day, everybody can classify their friends as mobile friends and non-mobile friends.  Meaning to say, friends whom we spend more time with, through the phone and then the others.  You have more knowledge on the lunch your mobile friend had rather than the non-mobile friend who had lunch sitting opposite you.  You have the itinerary of that person's day in your inbox, but you have no idea where your roommate is or what he/she did from the morning. 

 * And ya, right outside our department in college, there are six really cute puppies.  Anytime somebody crosses, they would come running, wagging their tail like crazy and come lick their feet.  Then, some students take out their phones and take videos or photos of the puppies.  They see the puppies only through their mobile screens. They restrict their vision to that 2x2 inch screen. 

Where is scope for reality there?

 

All this is okay till

• One becomes obsessed with their mobile phones.
  
• One becomes oblivious to their surrounding because of their phones.
  

 

Given all this,

To a father, whose daughter is travelling alone, the call she does to say "I've reached safely Dad.  I'm alright." the mobile becomes more than just an electronic device.  It brings life back to him.  He is forever thankful to the invention.

Until later,

Anne (pronounced Ann, spelled with an e).

And there was always the bend in the road…

        Some things in life, don’t turn out the way you want em to….  Some things you experience now, would have seemed far-fetched (not impossible) previously.  The context is not about things you repent now.  Things that give you that tingly feeling all over.  The niiiiiiicest things J

        Such things come to happen in everybody’s life.  Till then, you are damn sure it can’t happen in your life, of all things.  You had no opinion whatsoever on it previously, you happily believed the above.  But now that it has become an epoch in your life, its too good to let go.  You feel strong, confident, daring and all nice things you would like to associate with yourself, like never before.  You are happy with your projection to the outside world.  Your happiness is contagious to the people around you.  These things could be anything, widely varying between different kinds of people.  A lot of trivial things could be it.  Some call it love, some call it friendship, some can never come up with a word to associate it with, for them its beyond words.  You would come to believe it’s the reason for your existence.  And very often it is. 

        Then, I see no reason why you shouldn’t pursue it.  You’ve all the criteria required to pursue it.  Vibrations do exist in the world.  You keep thinking about something and there’s a high chance it’ll come true.  Put your heart and soul into anything and its bound to be good.  Life is not random.  You can influence it to an extent you can never imagine. 

        Coz, there’s always the bend in the road.  You’ll never know what lays ahead, very often it’s the nicest things- you had no idea they existed J. 

Smile a mile,

Anne (pronounced Ann, spelled with an e).

P.S. If you've still got doubts on the pursuing part, watch "Pursuit of Happyness" :)

Too good!!

Close my eyes (Butterfly) - Mariah Carey

I was a wayward child 
With the weight of the world
That I held deep inside
Life was a winding road
And I learned many things
Little ones shouldn't know

But I closed my eyes
Steadied my feet on the ground
Raised my head to the sky
And let times roll by
Still I feel like that child 
As I look at the moon
Maybe I grew up a little too soon

Funny how one can learn 
To grow numb to the madness 
And block it away
I left the worst unsaid
Let it all dissipate
And I try to forget

As I close my eyes
Steady my feet on the ground
Raise my head to the sky
And let time roll by
Still I feel like a child 
As I look at the moon
Maybe I grew up a little too soon

Nearing the edge
Oblivious I almost
Fell right over 
A part of me
Will never be quite able
To feel stable
That woman-child feeling inside
Was on the verge of fading 
Thankfully I 
Woke up in time

Guardian angel I
Sail away on an ocean 
With you by my side
orange clouds roll by 
They burn into your image 
And you're still alive
(You're always alive)

As I close my eyes 
Steady my feet on the ground 
Raise my head to the sky
And though time rolls by 
Still I feel like a child 
As I look at the moon
Maybe I grew up a little too soon 

Bedlam broke loose - Right inside my head!!!!

The past two weeks has been one hell of a REALIZATION period...

Come on mate, my teens are over and its now I'm beginning to realise myself. Is this part of becoming mature?? I thought I already am. This truth was like a slap on my face. People just casually come my way and tell stuff I din think were odd.

Realization !

A friend of mine, simply took my mobile to read my msgs. This is weird, right? Well it isn't to him, and I really din bother, cos there was nothing personal that others shouldn't read. So, I let him. He went through my outbox and said "You send such formal msgs. Who cares to reply?" That was the context. And, Sslaaaaaaaaaapppp!!! I set my face, like I din care about it. But it kept reeling on and on in my head. And sitting in class the other day and I don't recall how the topic came about, but my mate Sam says, "You and send such formal msgs. It is very curt. I don feel like continuing the conversation!!" And, Sslaaaaaaaaaaaaappppp!! Again, in room, I tell my room-mate all this and she is like, "Yes, I've noticed this. You don't even put dots after your words let alone a smiley. Why're you so formal?" Sslaaaap!!

Darn it mate, why am I so formal? when there is absolutely no necessity to be so.

Realization @

July is such a special month to me, "My b'day falls on this month"
And I wanted all the posts on this month to signify something special.
I keep thinking
thinking
thinking
and
thinking
as to what I should be writing about
and lo, July is gone.

Why wasn't I able to write the first thing that pops into my head?

I compose my posts in MSWord and then post it here. It never was a type-and-go thing for me.
I take a lot of care before posting. Why? when its not necessary?


Realization #


This realization was brought about from a really funny incident in room. My room mate's got a fish bowl, with two really cute gold fish in em (I've named them nakki and pakki... he he) We forgot the species of fish (Us geeky engineering idiots got stuck with the species name). My roommate was like "Mammalia, reptilia" I laughed at all that and said "Aquaria". Everybody laughed cos its "Pisces"
The reptilia roommate was laughing over my "Aquaria" answer and I sitting on the bunker hit her with my pillow. The pillow cover caught her in the eye and it instantly became red and all swollen. She was suffering and I felt bad like anything. All the laughter was now replaced with REGRET. It was then I realised I'm a girl and supposed to behave like one. God, I feel so bad even now :( Me, realizing I ought to behave like a girl. Very funny, right?

Even now, before my @ realization I was reading through all my friends posts and that helped me with this one. Thanks LV, Michelle, vaishu and harini for helping me :)

Anne (pronounced Ann, spelled with an e).

On Cloud nine :)

Watched Harry Potter on the second day of release….

Splendid movie…

Much, much better and bigger than the previous ones. Though, as usual, you should not revise the book before seeing it ;)

HP rocks,

Anne (pronounced Ann, spelled with an e) 

Spur of the moment- title and otherwise

Well, my fortune line today was: "Lose yourself in service to others" and I was like: "How long?"

Its supposed to be a good quote, make you feel good.... But the minute I read it, I was downright furious.....

This line means:  "Become a better person by serving others".

I'll deal with it like its "Losing your identity by doing things so that others shouldn't feel bad".

That can also roughly translate to "Lose yourself in service to others".

My version... 

Service-

doing others a favour which was not necessary on your part.

Something that makes them not feel uncomfortable.  

You do a little help so that they don't feel bad.  

This little service you do is not gonna mean anything to anybody.  

But you are satisfied you made them feel better.  

Saved them from some embarassment.

I am no supernatural being.  So naturally, I've begun to feel that adjusting to others' temperament hasn't done me any good.  In fact, its my life and whatever I do with it is supposed to make me feel good.  This is one principle I hold dear.  But you tend to drift exactly away from that.... Like this....

You have a conversation with someone- friend, intimate friend, acquaintance, stranger, anyone for that matter.  And later reflecting on the conversation, if for an instant you felt 'what-i-spoke-was-not-me', there- "You've lost your identity bigtime".  

Only when you have an identity for yourself, will people have an idea of who you are and place you in their mind.  But trying to help them by losing your identity is not gonna fetch you that place.  So, be yourself everytime.. Its always easy amidst strangers, but extremely tough amidst your close circle.  But totally necessary if you wanna retain the close circle.  

This is the truth and some of you may have a hard time digesting it.  But believe me mate, its taken a lot from me to be writing negative.  I'm not meaning to tell 'go-against-them'.  Just 'be-yourself-with-them'.  If it doesn't work out, it was never meant to be.  Don't live a lie.  Live life... 

Better 'not' than 'won't',

Anne (pronounced Ann, spelled with an e).

P.S.  I did warn you it was a spur of the moment thing ;) 

Euphoria strikes...

After the sweltering weather in the morning, its begun to rain.  Cool air's blowing all over the place and the sweet aroma of mother earth takes one to Eden.  The weather's just right to get anyone on the dance floor.  And a playlist of the most romantic songs are being played in your laptop.  Someone's just given you a compliment.  You have no reason for the grin thats etched on your face.  Then, Euphoria strikes...

Class is progressing.  The staff is in a desperate attempt at imparting knowledge.  You are physically present, mentally you are touring your childhood days.  Your thought focuses on an incident which gets you laughing.  Suddenly you pop back to reality, and laugh even harder at the thought.  At the same time, trying hard to stifle it so that the staff doesn't notice.   All this, and you just can't stop grinning the whole day.  Then, Euphoria strikes...

This happened to me:  Mam's in class jabbering away.  I remember Coutrallam(a place very famous for the waterfalls).  I must have been five years old.  My mom and grandma are along with me and make me stand under the waterfall.  The force of the coooolll water on my body and the loud roaring sound scare the guts outta me and I run for safety, far away from the falls.  I stand there seeing everyone enjoying the falls, and not wanting to be the one left out, I grab a mug and intently start pouring water from the ground onto my head getting everyone around me to laugh.  This thought in the middle of the class and yes, Euphoria struck. :) 

You're completely stressed for the day.  Sitting in front of the tv, the remote control in your hands, continuously changing channels.  All you want to do is hit the bed and have a good night's rest.  You're yearning for someone who would cuddle you, and soothe away all your worries.  You find a bundle of joy (your pet) right at your foot, looking at you with innocent eyes, as if enquiring if it could be of any help.  All that was bugging you evaporate into thin air and you start playing with your pet.  Then mate, Euphoria strikes...

This happened to me: I was dead scared of pets.  A stray kitten was brought into the family by my sis.  Then on, I would travel the house leaping from furniture to furniture never setting my foot on the ground.  After that a group of neighbouring boys said they wanted to take care of it.  But the kitty never did what they wanted it to do or something, they gave it back to us.  It was at that moment, I realised how much I missed the kitty.  Then on, it was me who played with it.  One such stressful afternoon, the kitty came running towards me.  I settled it on the top of my tummy and would stick my tongue out.  It would do its lopsided run on my body and try to come catch my tongue.  Then I would keep repeating it.  Karupanna (my kitty's name) was a living source of joy and everytime I played with it, Euphoria struck :)

Cheers ppl,

Anne (pronounced Ann, spelled with an e)